Friday, July 31, 2009

Vacations and Secrets

Well, Stephanie will be in town tonight. Yay! (By the way, if your name is Stephanie and we've been dating for about three years, stop reading now. It will make sense later.)

Stephanie and I will be celebrating our anniversary by going to Myrtle Beach on Sunday. We'll return to our normal lives on Wednesday.

Stephanie has arranged for us to stay at Ocean Creek Resort. It looks fabulous. We plan to have a nice romantic dinner one night and another go to Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Definately look at the link, especially the photos under the "Group Parties" section. This should be fun.

Here are some pictures of the resort.





It will be a great trip. She's flying into Atlanta tonight. We'll borrow the dog for tomorrow (pictured below) and then it's off to our beach paradise!



Changing topics...

Madog has been working on a secret project. It's been super top secret stuff. I'm probably not suppose to be bloging about it because I wasn't given specific permission to.

Black Bunny posted something about it (with approval). Check out The Palpatine Project.

It is really worth looking at. I'm just impressed that I know people capable of pulling off such a feat.

Now, back to Stephanie. And Liz! I put it down here in case Stephanie does for some reason read this blog before our Myrtle trip. It's unlikely. I don't think she looks at work (at least she SHOULDN'T look at work).

Anyway, I asked Liz to create a watercolor for Stephanie. She saw one at Jesse's some time ago and loved it. It was a happy dragon.

I put in some requests, and this is the amazing result.



A happy, donut-loving purple dragon! I really love it. In fact, I made it into a shirt that will come to Disney with me.

This will not be the only present. Just in case she sees this or someone spills the beans, I'll avoid posting the larger gift until after the trip.

In case you haven't already, look at Liz's blog, Puppatoons Blog. There you can read about her own secret project for her main squeeze (Steve) and some ghostly new creations of her own. Not nearly as scary as Madog's, but cute in a ghoulish sort of way. This includes the puppet, Vapor. I really like it!

I'll repost something after Myrtle.

Oh, by the way, I am done with school until Disney. And I only have four Braves games left.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

WE WON

Finally!

We won at Mellow Mushroom Trivia!

It was glorious.

Unfortunately, there was no photo to document the event. I've recreated the celebration of myself, Alex, Jed, and Kyle. My apologies to my friends who are legit animators.



Rock out. Or in the words of Alex: SUCK IT THUNDERCATS! Unfortunately, that particular team wasn't competing last night, but the Lab Rats, Wildwood, PMS, and several other popular enemies were there. One of the stick figures was modeled after Alex. Three guesses which one it is. By the way, if it's not playing, shoot me an email and I'll send it to you.

We all had out specialities tonight. Kyle knew which states bordered Kansas. Alex knew who the spokesperson for Colt 45 was. I don't remember what particular question Jed mastered tonight (at least one doesn't come to mind), but he pulled out an abundance of oddball answers from his butt. It happened with such consistancy, it was awe-inspiring. I brought it home by naming the five teams in the NHL's Southeastern Division. We all agreed on several answers and I'm not giving due credit to all, but it was a great night for trivia. $50 in Mellow Cash.

Unfornately, two things happened at trivia. First, we had already paid our bills before we knew the final standings. Second, this was my last night at Mellow Mushroom trivia before going to Disney.

I told Stephanie and she was very happy for us. Our discussion then turned to Star Wars.

Poor sweet Stephanie. She's not the biggest fan of the Wars, but she tries and knows a pretty decent amount for someone who's only seen Episodes I II IV V and VI, once each. Of course, there is some humor in her misunderstandings. She said she'd like a flow chart to keep up with who's died, who's related to who, who comes back (?) and alliances.



Luckily, there's the internet. Hopefully, this helps.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I Want To Be A Vitale!

Yesterday was the celebration of Steve Vitale's birthday.

I want to be a Vitale!

They are living the life I wish I could live. Steve and Liz are both artists with Steve mostly specializing in animation while Liz has some speciality in puppetry.

My very first job I every applied for was with the Jim Henson Company. I was rejected. I was also about 10 or so at the time. But I loved the idea of puppateering. It was by far the nicest rejection letter I've ever recieved. It recommended I keep practicing and made some suggestions for some puppet colleges.

Anyway, so I saw Liz's workshop with puppet parts everywhere. Foam and fur everywhere! Her newest creation is a Jersey Devil. He didn't have any eyes which actually made the horned, goat footed beast a little more scary.

Liz operates puppatoons.com along with Steve. Below are some pictures I ripped from her site. And a slide show I ripped from Gina. The slide show is of Coco the Dragon at the Reinessance Fair. The bird is Frash, a Thrashers inspired puppet making it on the big screen. The blue thing is Mo, the main star of Puppatooons.






Steve showed off his animation studio in the basement. Complete with tons and tons toys. I mean, wall to wall, floor to ceiling toys. Mostly Star Wars. Now I've been a Star Wars fan for quite a while as well. The only thing I've like before Star Wars was Ghostbusters.

And they've got that too! Liz walked out with a proton pack on. Full operational proton pack. Well, it lights up. It doesn't shoot out streams of pure energy. But other than that.

I didn't take my camera and I am kicking myself!

Maybe Captain from the The Black Bunny will post some of pictures soon.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

New Trivia (Braves)

Okay, it's been way to long since I've updated any trivia questions. So, here's a pair, Braves related.

One: The Braves have not always been known as the Braves. Back when they were in Boston, they were called six different names before settling on the Braves. (Actually, they were called the Braves for a time, changed the name, then went back to the Braves). Below are 12 different possibilities for the franchise. Pick out the correct 6.

a. Colonials
b. Bees
c. Doves
d. Baymen
e. Pelicans
f. Rustlers
g. Red Caps
h. Beaneaters
i. Bankers
j. Breakers
k. Red Stockings
l. Blue Sox



Two: The Braves have had a number of interesting uniforms since their conception. Below are descriptions of four different uniform worn by players or the team as a whole. One is false. Pick out the uniform description that never happened.

a. In 2002, the Braves donned desert camoflauge uniforms for two Sunday home games in honor of the armed services.

b. Andy Messersmith wore the number "17" and his name was replaced with "Channel" for one game to help promote the TBS Superstation.

c. The Braves wear red jerseys for every Sunday home game with a blue tomahawk.

d. When the Braves first started playing night games, they wore shiny satin uniforms because of the way they "glittered" under the stadium lights.


The answers are finally posted to all former questions here.

Merry Christmas! (in July)

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Today is July 25, the official day to celebrate Christmas in July.

What am I going to do to celebrate? Nothing much. I will be playing my Christmas songs from my ipod and wearing a Santa hat.



Speaking of season, it's actually been pretty great weather recently, right?

Oh, and I'll start my letter to Santa.

Here's part of it:

An FX Stormtrooper helmet
A Thrashers Away RBK Edge Jersey
Any of the following DVD's: Family Guy Volume Seven, South Park Season Eight, Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (At World's End), Star Wars Episodes I and II
Cash, the old fashioned leafy green kind
New Cargo Pants
Gift Certificates to any of the following: QuikTrip, Moe's, Chick-Fil-A, Pizza Hut or Taco Bell.

In case you didn't hear, the Taco Bell dog, Gidget, passed away this week. She was about 15 years old, so she had a good life, especially for a chiwa-wa.

Actually, this Christmas in July has me looking ahead to Christmas in December. This will be the first Christmas I'll spend away from my family since I'll be working in Disney World. Thanksgiving too. Now, I've missed some Thanksgivings in the past due to work or visiting Stephanie's family in Rhode Island, but never Christmas. I'm sure I'll be fine. I mean, I suspect I'll be really busy and probably working since Christmas is the time when EVERYONE apparently heads to Florida. My family I'm sure will be fine too.

Well, anyway. My next few weekends are stacking up with tearful good-byes. I'm going to spend this weekend with Stephanie, next with the 501st / Black Bunny Crew (hopefully), the following with the Braves and family. That's it. Then the mouse.

OH!

Totally switching subjects. I have basically lined up my internship for spring 2010. I will be working with the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office in an emergency management capacity. According to Lt. Pearell, they are in desperate need of help. So, I'll be writing policies and developing exercises for the county. Cool.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Don't Go There!

As mentioned, Stephanie and I are going on a little trip soon, to Myrtle Beach. This is our second little romantic beach trip. First one was to the Bahamas.

It got me thinking and researching for our next trip, maybe to an island.

Well, Stephanie is a terrific planner. She comes up with great places to get away. I am much better at finding the worst of the worst.

So, here are a few islands that I will never vacation with Stephanie. Or anyone for that matter.







Ilha de Queimada Grande. AKA Snake Island.

A deserted island where the forest floor writhes with the world's most venomous vipers. Off the coast of Brazil, the breed of snake known as the Golden Lancehead reside on the island. It has one of the worst venoms in the world which literally causes your flesh to rot off your bones.



But there's snakes all over the world, right? Why is this island so bad? Let the nightmare begin. The snake only lives on this one island and it is forbidden from anyone to visit by the Brazilian Navy. And that's not to protect the snakes. Conservative estimates range from spine-tingling one snake per square meter to change-your-undies FIVE snakes per square meter.

Not a chance in hell we'll be visiting.







Poveglia Island. Island of the Dead.

We are not going here. Located in a lagoon in Venice, the island gets its scary start when the Romans decided the best thing for society was to round up all the plague victims of the era and stick them all on one island. Poveglia Island.

Several thousand people were gathered and quaratined on the island where they all died together. Now, that is probably believable from a group of people that thought the sun was a chariot, but not a few centuries later the same thing happened.

The Bubonic plague tore through Europe and the island was once again put to use as housing plague victims. As the plague got worse, they lowered Poveglia's requirements from "plague sufferers" to "anyone with any sign of sickness at all". They also changed the policy of "let them die peacefully" to "throw them in a large pit (atop already-dead bodies) and set them on fire". Quite a leap. Estimates put the death toll at 160,000 on the island. By the way, charred bones from the island STILL wash up on shore.



As if that wasn't scary enough, in 1922, a mental hospital with a scary bell tower was built on the island. That hospital was where everyone sent the allegedly insane members of society. This was before the days of the DSM I. (We are currently on DSM IV, a diagnostic criteria for mental disorders.) Anyone could be thrown into an asylum, wherein anything could be done to them. According to legend, this particular hospital featured a doctor who routinely experimented on his patients with such things as lobotomies (performed with a hammer and chisel. He liked to do this in the bell tower where patients screams of seeing the ghosts of plague victims were ignored.

But wait! There's more. Legend has the doctor fell from the bell tower (some say was thrown by the ghosts) and choked to death on the ground after having survived the fall. Today, it's uninhabited. I wonder why...







Ramree Island

This island is off the Burmese Coast and played a part in World War II. See, back in 1945 a 900 man cadre of Japanese forces on this small island were being outflanked by Allied Forces. With only one side open to them, they made a dash towards reinforcements. Unfortunately, this way to salvation crossed through a swamp complete with malaria-carrying mosquitoes, blowflies and scorpions. It also harbored the saltwater crocodile. Lots and lots and lots of saltwater crocodiles.



500 of the men didn't make it through the swamp. The survivors were badly wounded, but technically alive. The massacre of Japanese troops is credited as "The Greatest Disaster Suffered From Animals" by the Guinness Book of World Records.







Izu Island

Like the air your breathing now? Chances are it's mostly full of oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and some other stuff. Ideally, it probably doesn't have a lot of sulfur in it.

Not so with the Izu Islands off Japan! The volcano-related incidents make it the highest concentration of the gas on the planet. At least no one lives there.



Oh wait. People DO live there. In fact, most of the pre-volcano population still lives there. And since the volcano never stopped spewing the eggy gas, they live day and night with a gas mask on their face or at their sides. In the middle of the night, air raid sirens routinely go off because the gas levels get high and people would die.

But, there is a silver lining. People living there get a very small amount of money from scientific researchers as they investigate what happens from breathing in trace amounts of sulfur and the effects of a gas mask.

This is also the spot where three massice tectonic plates converge. The last time the pressure got too much, the ensuing earthquake removed Tokyo from the map. Completely.







The North Pacific Gyre. The Garbage Patch.

This is too devistating to be funny. It's happening right now.

Whenever China or the United States dumps plastic in the water, it ends up in the ocean and the currents drag it to the same spot. It's the size of Texas, though there is enough plastic there to cover the land area of America.

An island made of trash. That's bad, but it gets worse. Since plastic doesn't biodegrade, it breaks up into smaller and smaller pieces. Pieces the size of plankton. This means fish are eating this constantly thinking it's food. The last sample of the water shows an average of 6 times more plastic than plankton in the area.

Think about that next time you have fish for dinner.

Oh, and it's not even a real island. If you try to step on it, you would immediately fall through the layer of trash and then, like ice diving, it would almost fill instantly. So there you are trapped under the surface of garbage, drowning. And if you survived the fall, you are left in a stew of dead fish marinate with sharks circling you.

That's right. It's also in shark infested waters.







Fiji

Not a beautiful island paradise, but an island with a history rich in horror.

I won't describe everything I found in research because it's too freakin' horrible. How horrible? Cannibals. And not just run-of-the-mill cannibals either. They tortured people for fun and used living children as decorative flags that later died as a result of sea-sickness.

You can read the accounts here if you really really have to know more. They are from some missonaries.

I'm not going to Fiji and risk being being part of a main course.


So that ends my look into these terrifying islands (complements of Cracked).

Like I said, I'll leave the planning to Stephanie.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Anniversary Coming Up

Well, Stephanie and I will be celebrating 3 years together soon. The actual date is August 12, but we'll be taking a little vacation together to Myrtle Beach on July 31.

I occurs to me that I should get her a romantic gift. Now, I'm not a great gift-giver. I try, but I'm not always so great.

I've narrowed down the field to a list of things I will NOT get for Stephanie.



TOOLS

I'm going to avoid anything that involves manual labor. Any household items for chores or anything that would involve breaking a sweat is off the list. Even though there are some new items she's indicated she could use, they are still associated with work. Work is never romantic. Sorry Stephanie. Maybe for Christmas I'll get you that miter saw from Home Depot you've had your eye on.



ADVERTISED JEWELRY

I believe jewelry is a romantic gift, I've given Stephanie a few pieces before including last year. But, it wasn't anything from Shane Co. or big brand retailer. It was a ring from the Soloman Brothers, a one-of-a-kind beauty. I'll have to take a picture and post it for the rest of you. But, if I decide to go the jewelry route, rest assured it will not be one "designed" by a celebrity. What the hell does Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman know about necklace designs? This would just prove I am not an original because Stephanie is unique and deserves more than the same shiny thing every other woman on Metro will be wearing.



WORKOUT GEAR

Stephanie has gotten into the whole working out thing, which is great. She seems happier and I know she's healthier. This gift almost makes sense, but does it say, "Here is some extra motivation to get your big-ol' behind to the gym"? I would like to avoid sending that message since it is certainly not true. Plus, good Lord save my soul if I got the wrong size athletic top or spandex pants.



GIFT CERTIFICATE

I have done this before and I am embarrassed about it. "I know nothing about you, so here. Go buy yourself something from a store I think girls like you shop in." Now, sometimes a gift certificate is perfectly appropriate. Me, I would love a gift certificate to places I frequent or would like to frequent but don't because it's a "luxary item" (such as Cold-Stone or Moe's). But for an anniversary, I'm going to try a personal touch. Plus, I would like to at least give the impression I spend more than, oh, three minutes thinking about the gift.



A SELF-HELP BOOK

We all fight personal battles. But I don't think giving a gift that would seem to highlight them would be in the best interest of the relationship or my health. If there are problems Stephanie needs help with, our anniversary is not the time to remind her of those. But that won't be a problem because I think she's perfect anyway!



A PET

I was thinking of those commericals and movies where the man surprises a woman with an adorable puppy or a cuddly little kitten. While a cute gift, I don't want to add to her increasing responsibility along with her other cat Moki. Plus, I don't want to add bills--veterinarian, food, toys, litter. That's money than can be spent on me. I mean herself! New handbags and shoes. That will ultimately get destroyed by Moki anyway.



A STUFFED ANIMAL

This would be just tacky. Stephanie, in case you don't know her, is not 12 years old. Many of these animals are the one that comes with a set of perfume, chocolates or any product that doesn't need a stuffed monkey to make a sale. Flowers are incredibly romantic. Flowers held by a dog with a heart on his chest that say "I RUFF YOU" is a crime against common sense. Plus, Stephanie has a stuffed animal she's had since 1984 (date might be wrong, but a long time) that she loves for sentametal reasons. An by loves, I mean loves more than anything. Moki, her family, me; all secondary to Inky the polar bear. I understand that. Inky doesn't complain or create problems. I did give her a stuffed moose once, but that was not an anniversary gift and more of an homage to a stuffed moose in my room.



A GAG GIFT

I love gag gifts. There are simply hilarious -- for the first three minutes. And usually just of for me. One the giggling subsides (okay, once MY giggling subsides), there's Stephanie left with a mug that says "Work Sucks" when you push the button on the handle. So I've basically given her a new dust collector. Plus, I don't want Stephanie to say this in the near future: "Remember that guy I used to date who bought me the 'I THINK STORMTROOPERS ARE SEXY' t-shirt?"


Well there it is. A short list of things that Stephanie can NOT expect to see for this year's anniversary. I hope she likes whatever it is I do get her.

I'll be sure to post it after she recieves it because I know Stephanie occassionally looks at this blog.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thrashers Release Schedule

So, the 2009-2010 Atlanta Thrashers season will soon be here.



The schedule was released by the NHL yesterday. The Thrashers break down as follows:

There will only be 6 games (3 home, 3 away) against division opponents.

4 games (2 and 2) against conference opponents.

There doesn't appear to be a lot of rhyme or reason to the Western Conference opponents.

Here they are:

Avalanche: @ Colorado
Blackhawks: @ Chicago
Blue Jackers: Home & Home
Blues: H & H
Canucks: @ Vancouver
Coyotes: @ Phoenix
Ducks: in Atlanta
Flames: @ Calgary
Kings: in Atlanta
Oilers: in Atlanta
Predators: H & H
Red Wings: @ Detroit
Sharks: in Atlanta
Stars: in Atlanta
Wild: @ Minnesota

There are some similarities when compared to some of the other teams in the conference, but nothing to get excited about.

Here's the complete break down.




I generally like the schedule more, though it does have some problems. For one thing, I like the idea of concentrating games on division opponents, not trying to get every single team in the rotation. I think that distracts and takes away. It's better to only play Detroit or Dallas, Minnesota or San Jose once every couple of years. Adds a little bit of excitement.

I do like how the games are more stretches than years passed. A few home games strung together with a few road games for a trip away. Not this home, away, home, home, away, home, away, away thing they've done SO many times before. It's cheaper for the teams and also creates a nice little break or homestand.

There is, of course, no Thrashers games in the area of my birthday. Generally, it's because the circus takes over Philips Arena but this year it's the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics.

I looked at Tampa Bay's schedule too, but only for their home games. Since I'll be at Disney, I can probably catch a few games at the St. Pete Times' Forum now and again. The only time the Thrashers will be there is the day after Christmas (at least while I'm in Florida.)

Here's Tampa Bay's schedule for home games (while I'm there).



One thing I'll be sure to check out is the Lightning Girls. And why not?



They still don't compare to my Blue Crew (featured here wearing their CODE RED uniforms).



Let's have another look at those uniforms.



If you think that's offensive, you have to look at some more of the Lightning Girls. Here's just one of their photo galleries available online of the Tampa Bay Lightning Girls.

Oh, and Martin St. Louis. The midget of hockey plays for Tampa Bay. Hilarious.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I'm Back!

Well, I'm back from DC, Virginia, Baltimore, and my baby.

We had a great trip. Again, way to short. (They always are.)

We did have a fairly full trip. Dinner at TGIFridays on Friday, brunch with her mom and Doug on Saturday. We ate at a place called Rosemary Thyme (or something like that.) It was pretty good. I had french toast, an item I hardly ever get. It was good. Stephanie raved about the pancakes. She really seemed to enjoy it. I also tried some type of sausage. Starts with an "a". It was good, but it kept getting spicier. That was a surprise.

After that we went into DC's Chinatown to see "Public Enemies". Good flick. Great story line. Then again, I recently saw "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", so ANY story line would be better.

Now, on the way to Chinatown, we took the Metro (subway system). On the way, there was a man with a large suitcase, a large bag. He was wearing a grungy t-shirt and camo pants. At one point, he took two smaller bags out of his large bag and fiddled with them. Then, he got up and used the emergency doors and placed himself outside the train, between two cars. Well, that's not good. I told Stephanie we were getting off at the next station, and we did. We waited on the next train. Now I'm sure Stephanie was a little bit annoyed with me. She thinks he was simply trying to get a signal for his cell phone. But, I'd rather be paranoid and safe. We were already running late for the movie, but we ended up going to a later showing.

After the movie, we met Nick and Michelle at Nando's Peri-Peri. This was a Porteguese chicken place. It was pretty fantastic. I started with a small bowl of olives marinated in garlic and peppers. Interesting taste. The main course was wonderful. Chicken marinaded in this garlic-parmesan sauce with a few different dipping sauces. Served with garlic bread and red-skinned mashed potatoes. Potatos. Whatever.

Later, we celebrated Moki's (Stephanie's cat) birthday by clipping his claws and dressing HIM in a little princess shirt. He's neutered, so I guess princess is okay. He didn't seem to like it.

Sunday was an adventure. We left for Orioles Park at Camden Yards and arrived in our parking lot with no problem. The game was good, Orioles won 4-2 over the Jays. In the 2nd or 3rd, the homeplate umpire got hit in the face with a foul tipped ball. He had to leave the game an inning later and the umpires worked with a 3 man crew. By the way, it was HOT. We requested seats in the shade, but the shade didn't arrive until the sixth or so.

Now, the adventure comes when we tried to get back. We took the scenic route. The problem started with a fork in the expressway. Which way to go around the Beltway. Well, we choose the wrong way. We went all the way around, about 3/4ths of the way around compared to the 1/4 of the way if we went the right way.

Pictures from our trip are above.

I already miss her. The first day away is always the roughest. However, I'll see her again on July 31. We spend a few days in Georgia then it's off to Myrtle Beach. Yay!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Out of Town

Well, I'll be leaving shortly to go up to Virginia / DC to visit the lovely Stephanie.

On the agenda is tonight is BOGO dinners at TGI Fridays followed tomorrow by brunch with her mom and Doug, plus seeing the new Johnny Depp movie, Public Enemies. Later, it's dinner with some old friends Michelle and Nick. We'll be eating at a Porteguese Chicken Restaurant. Sounds really good.

Sunday will be a nice little drive up to Baltimore for a Orioles game (vs Toronto) and a dinner either in Baltimore or perhaps closer to her house. Something tame, I'm sure. McDonald's? It is a work night for Stephanie plus we'll both be out of money by then.

Fly back on Monday morning. Pictures sure to come.



Thursday, July 9, 2009

Trivia (Disney)

Well, I'm going out of town for a few days. Visiting Stephanie.

So, I'm going to ask four questions for today and the three days I'll be gone. All of these are based on Disney World. Let's go!

One:

Epcot has a very iconic symbol, a giant silver ball. Often called "The Golf Ball", this structure actually houses a ride about the history of mankind.

What is the name of this sphere?




Two:

The great sphere in Question One is 180 feet tall. The Magic Kingdom houses Cinderella's Castle at 189 feet tall, though it appears taller due to forced perspective. The Hollywood Tower of Terror was the tallest structure in the resort at 199 feet until Animal Kingdom's Expedition Everest trumped it at 199.5 feet.

So the question is: Why are all the current attractions in Walt Disney World under 200 feet tall?






Three:

In the Magic Kingdom is Tomorrowland, "the future that never was". It's modeled after 20th Century comic book ideals of the future. Inside Tomorrowland are several unique features that entertain guests, including performing characters. One, however, is perhaps more unexpected than the rest.

What is the name of the talking trash can found in Tomorrowland?



Four:

Disney never calls anything by its name. This helps maintain the idea that Disney World is in fact a world unto itself.

What are employees called at Walt Disney World?


The answers will be found on Monday here along with all the answers to the questions asked this month. Enjoy.

Zach vs. Vampires

I love Stephanie. And she loves me. But, she also loves vampires, as do a lot of women. It occurred to me that I could perhaps enhance our relationship if I was a little bit more like a vampire. So I grabbed the file and started grinding away.

But it then occured to me that perhaps there's more to this love affair with these creatures of the night than mere fangs. A closer inspection shows where I am doing fairly well and perhaps where I can use some improvement.

There is something about these Gothic symbols of manhood that make every woman weak in the neck. Is it their style, their power or just their flair for the romantic? It might be a combination of all of the above that makes these thousand-year-old walking corpses so damn appealing to the opposite sex.

I offer up the following Top 10 Reasons Women Love Vampires. I won't indicate where I think I might be doing decent and where some additional effort could be implemented. Maybe other guys can take a hint as well, not just me.




10: Vampires are loners.



The average guy runs with a pack; a group of close drinking buddies who come over and watch the game, and generally get into trouble on the weekends. This clan takes up quality time and attention that can be used on a girlfriend. Vampires work alone. They don't have many friends and if they do, they are usually out doing their own thing. Women love vampires because they have all the time in the world. Literally.



9: Vampires require no commitment during the day.



Even though women love to spend time with the man they adore, they still want some alone time to do things with girls or on their own. Women love vampires because vampires can't take up the entirety of a woman's day. Hell, they can't even stay that late into the night.



8: Vampires dress well.



Ever seen a poorly dressed vampire? Never. Vampires are always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and a nice complexion (though a tad pale or sparkly). Their fashionable (and usually dark) duds show off just the right amount of chest. A nice pair of skin-tight pants and an occasional ascot or medallion completes the look. Like a modern-day Tom Jones without the giant crucifix in his pants -- Goth but classy. The usually look better dressed than the living, not even taking into consideration the fact they can't exactly run to Kenneth Cole at lunch to pick up a nice pair of dark chinos for tonight's big date. They wear their clothes well and always with the perfect fit. Thankfully, most have dropped the cape.



7: Vampires love necking.



Women love to be intimate, but differently than men. As we all know, men just like to get down to business -- but not vampires. They don’t even really care about sex. They want to mess around. Particularly around the neck area -- the “sweet spot” as it’s known around the coffins. They know how to start off tender and soft and then get a little rough. Rough enough to draw blood. Kinky.



6: Vampires are persuasive.



Vampires have a calming demeanor. They are suave, smooth and soft-spoken, and the women eat it up. They convince the smart and savvy women that their odd behavior is on the up-and-up. They even convince them it’s cool to suck blood. How hard is that? And women love to be suavely persuated.



5: Vampires are moody.



Women beg to differ, but they honestly do like the occasional hint of drama in a relationship. It keeps things fresh and exciting. This is perfect for the vampire, whose mood is constantly changing. You’d be pissed too if people wanted you dead and all you’ve had to eat for a couple centuries is some blood and the occasional taste of plasma. It’s not the greatest life to lead. Good thing they’ve got all the female attention to keep things bearable.



4: Vampires search fovever to find "her"



Woman love to think they were destined to be with one man for the rest of their lives. They love the romantic angle of a soul mate -- two people destined to meet, fall in love and be together forever. Now imagine that man is just as eager to find her and has been searching for untold centuries. It knocks a woman off her feet like a silver bullet through the heart. When a vampire sinks his teeth (figuratively) into a woman, he makes her feel like the only woman in the world. It’s no wonder women fall hard -- then again, it could also be the blood loss.



3: Vampires are romantic.



Give those dead, bloodsucking creatures credit: they know how to romance the pants off a woman. The setting is always dark and mysterious and the atmosphere is just right for doing something dirty. The full moon seems to follow them wherever they go. One of the reasons women love vampires is that they know how to pull all the tricks to make the setting perfect. Also working to their advantage is that they don’t do much talking to ruin the moment. They’ve also had years of practice.



2: Vampires are powerful.



Vampires exude two types of power. The first is the raw, physical power. The vampire is always in phenomenal shape; it must be the low carbs/high blood diet and tons of sleep. The second type of power is mental. He's usually a manipulative bastard who can match brains as much as brawn. This amazing one-two combo is a major reason women love vampires. Moreover, it’s almost impossible to kill a vampire. You think he’s dead? Nope. Still not dead.



1: Vampires are the ultimate bad boys.



Women love bad boys. Now mix in the fact that a vampire is searching for eternal love and needs a woman to survive; you’ve got yourself the ultimate bad boy. He answers to no one, lives by his own rules, wears nice clothes, and is hated by millions of living people. He is the man her mother warned her about except with more guy-liner and lip gloss than either of them could have ever predicted. He isn’t just bad, he’s dead. Beat that!



Well, that's enough of my blathering for now. I'll see Stephanie tomorrow and throughout the weekend.