But it then occured to me that perhaps there's more to this love affair with these creatures of the night than mere fangs. A closer inspection shows where I am doing fairly well and perhaps where I can use some improvement.
There is something about these Gothic symbols of manhood that make every woman weak in the neck. Is it their style, their power or just their flair for the romantic? It might be a combination of all of the above that makes these thousand-year-old walking corpses so damn appealing to the opposite sex.
I offer up the following Top 10 Reasons Women Love Vampires. I won't indicate where I think I might be doing decent and where some additional effort could be implemented. Maybe other guys can take a hint as well, not just me.
10: Vampires are loners.
The average guy runs with a pack; a group of close drinking buddies who come over and watch the game, and generally get into trouble on the weekends. This clan takes up quality time and attention that can be used on a girlfriend. Vampires work alone. They don't have many friends and if they do, they are usually out doing their own thing. Women love vampires because they have all the time in the world. Literally.
9: Vampires require no commitment during the day.
Even though women love to spend time with the man they adore, they still want some alone time to do things with girls or on their own. Women love vampires because vampires can't take up the entirety of a woman's day. Hell, they can't even stay that late into the night.
8: Vampires dress well.
Ever seen a poorly dressed vampire? Never. Vampires are always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and a nice complexion (though a tad pale or sparkly). Their fashionable (and usually dark) duds show off just the right amount of chest. A nice pair of skin-tight pants and an occasional ascot or medallion completes the look. Like a modern-day Tom Jones without the giant crucifix in his pants -- Goth but classy. The usually look better dressed than the living, not even taking into consideration the fact they can't exactly run to Kenneth Cole at lunch to pick up a nice pair of dark chinos for tonight's big date. They wear their clothes well and always with the perfect fit. Thankfully, most have dropped the cape.
7: Vampires love necking.
Women love to be intimate, but differently than men. As we all know, men just like to get down to business -- but not vampires. They don’t even really care about sex. They want to mess around. Particularly around the neck area -- the “sweet spot” as it’s known around the coffins. They know how to start off tender and soft and then get a little rough. Rough enough to draw blood. Kinky.
6: Vampires are persuasive.
Vampires have a calming demeanor. They are suave, smooth and soft-spoken, and the women eat it up. They convince the smart and savvy women that their odd behavior is on the up-and-up. They even convince them it’s cool to suck blood. How hard is that? And women love to be suavely persuated.
5: Vampires are moody.
Women beg to differ, but they honestly do like the occasional hint of drama in a relationship. It keeps things fresh and exciting. This is perfect for the vampire, whose mood is constantly changing. You’d be pissed too if people wanted you dead and all you’ve had to eat for a couple centuries is some blood and the occasional taste of plasma. It’s not the greatest life to lead. Good thing they’ve got all the female attention to keep things bearable.
4: Vampires search fovever to find "her"
Woman love to think they were destined to be with one man for the rest of their lives. They love the romantic angle of a soul mate -- two people destined to meet, fall in love and be together forever. Now imagine that man is just as eager to find her and has been searching for untold centuries. It knocks a woman off her feet like a silver bullet through the heart. When a vampire sinks his teeth (figuratively) into a woman, he makes her feel like the only woman in the world. It’s no wonder women fall hard -- then again, it could also be the blood loss.
3: Vampires are romantic.
Give those dead, bloodsucking creatures credit: they know how to romance the pants off a woman. The setting is always dark and mysterious and the atmosphere is just right for doing something dirty. The full moon seems to follow them wherever they go. One of the reasons women love vampires is that they know how to pull all the tricks to make the setting perfect. Also working to their advantage is that they don’t do much talking to ruin the moment. They’ve also had years of practice.
2: Vampires are powerful.
Vampires exude two types of power. The first is the raw, physical power. The vampire is always in phenomenal shape; it must be the low carbs/high blood diet and tons of sleep. The second type of power is mental. He's usually a manipulative bastard who can match brains as much as brawn. This amazing one-two combo is a major reason women love vampires. Moreover, it’s almost impossible to kill a vampire. You think he’s dead? Nope. Still not dead.
1: Vampires are the ultimate bad boys.
Women love bad boys. Now mix in the fact that a vampire is searching for eternal love and needs a woman to survive; you’ve got yourself the ultimate bad boy. He answers to no one, lives by his own rules, wears nice clothes, and is hated by millions of living people. He is the man her mother warned her about except with more guy-liner and lip gloss than either of them could have ever predicted. He isn’t just bad, he’s dead. Beat that!
Well, that's enough of my blathering for now. I'll see Stephanie tomorrow and throughout the weekend.
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